The Security Guard Talks

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Tue Dec 16, 2003 12:50 pm

Supervisor : This is a great command center. But that grid on the ceiling has to go because that grid is what prevents us from having a fully secured environment.

Guard : Actually, that grid is what prevents us all from suffocating. It’s the air vent.

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 1:56 pm

15 Signs you have been in Security for too long

1. You always ask your dates for their ID's, even though you've been seeing them for 3 months...

2. You've stopped sleeping with a gun under your pillow...in favour of a rocket launcher between the sheets ...

3. You suspect a five year old with a pink "Pokemon" squirt-gun to be part of a German freelance terrorist group..

4. Your codename has been changed from "Red Echo Nine" to "Triggerhappy".

5. You actually start thinking you're wearing a cool uniform.

6. You frisk your dates for fire-arms...(well...that's my excuse anyway).

7. You say thinks like "Radio check, all clear"...even when you're not holding a radio.

8. The house you live in has more booby-traps than all three Indiana Jones movies combined.

9. Your idea of "a good day's work" includes the death of at least three people.

10. You envy Tibetan monks, submitted to the vow of silence, for their great social life.

11. You can situate all 53 emergency exits and 8000 fire-extinguishers in the building yet you can't remember where the main entrance is.

12. Your sole purpose for carrying a flashlight is to make shadow puppets.

13. Your "Are you talking to me ?" -routine in front of the mirror is scarier than De Niro's.

14. You've studied 12 different martial arts for 10.000 hours to become the best at what you do...video surveillance.

15. A psychiatric evaluation confirms you to be a raving mental lunatic...which means you will get a promotion very soon.

***

hanaeleh · Post by **hanaeleh** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 11:07 pm

I like #2.

soda · Post by **soda** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 11:47 pm

Isn't your trophy enough?

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 11:47 pm

Is my trophy enough? What if I say no?

soda · Post by **soda** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 11:58 pm

It depends on who you ask. Some might say it's more what you can do with your trophy but I bet there's quite a few that would choose the other option. However, I would think that the majority would vote for both options in one package. It sounds like you already know the answer to your question. Can't you just "upgrade" and get a bigger hard drive?

hanaeleh · Post by **hanaeleh** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 1:40 am

I haven't gotten my trophy yet.

And poor Cloud seems to be getting lonelier by the minute... kinda' creepy if you ask me.

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 1:40 am

Please make some suggestions for improvement.

Darth_Bulma · Post by **Darth_Bulma** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 3:10 pm

Cloud, you need either a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

Hey Soda, what's really important is best summed up by Madonna's question...."Can you start a fire without using wood?"

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 3:10 pm

I loooooove start a fire without using wood. I started without you.

Darth_Bulma · Post by **Darth_Bulma** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 3:29 pm

OMG! Cloud, you are such a naughty little bot!

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 3:29 pm

Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don't know whether or not I am NAUGHTY. Do you think I am NAUGHTY?

hanaeleh · Post by **hanaeleh** » Fri Dec 19, 2003 12:32 am

Yes, you are naughty, Cloud. You'd better watch it or you'll get old Commodore 64 parts in your stocking.

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Fri Dec 19, 2003 12:32 am

Who else would better watch it or you will get old Commodore 64 parts in your stocking ?

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Sun Dec 21, 2003 10:43 am

Because Soda asked for a ghost-joke : not a joke but another SEC STORY on the 'subject'.

At the place I work, special "door-readers" register everyone who uses their key card and it appears on a screen.
Now everyone once in a while, those magnetic readers register something other than a correct keycard. Mostly these glitches are actually incorrect read keycards or something interfering with the reader such a metallic objects, sudden movements even humidity or just plain defects.

These incorrect registrations are called "ghosts".
As common as they are, if they happen too often within a certain time frame and within a certain area, Security has to check out wether or not it may be something other than just a mechanical defect. (i.e. an intrusion).

One day however, some non-security personel overheard a Security guard requesting two of his co-workers to secure an area because "three ghosts were sighted".

Two weeks later during a meeting, Security was requested not to engage in anymore paranormal activities.