01 - There is no such thing as a “dark blue” slope. Those signs refer to a black slope.
02 - The sticks you get with your skis are useless, except for getting in front of the skis, causing you to fall.
03 - It is impossible to look sexy in ski pants.
04 - There is a gap of exactly 1.4 seconds between looking cool while carrying your skis and hitting someone in the head with them.
05 - No matter how fast you are going, you will always be overtaken by a local four year old.
06 - The sense of awe you have for a majestic mountain will quickly dissapate when you are bouncing off it.
07 - “Don’t cross the streams!”, the well known line from the movie Ghostbusters is paramount in skiing too. Just substitute “streams” by “skis”.
07.1 - Cheering the mutilated one liner from the movie Top Gun: “I feel the need… the need for ski’d !” will only cause groans with bystanders.
08 - How to put on a ski boot :
1) put sock on foot
2) adjust sock
3) open ski boot as far as possible
4) put foot in
5) close first strap
6) close second strap
7) close third strap
close fourth strap9) wiggle foot
10) tighten first strap more for snug fit
11) tighten second strap more for snug fit
12) tighten third strap more for snug fit
13) tighten fourth strap more for snug fit
14) tighten first strap again to maximal pressure
15) tighten second strap again to maximal pressure
16) tighten third strap again to maximal pressure
17) tighten fourth strap again to maximal pressure
18) adjust the switch on the heel section from walk-mode to ski-mode
19) notice sock hasn’t been adjusted correctly
20) open all straps go back to step 2
09 - Austrians will use cream with everything, even cream.
10 - A cool high speed descent will be rendered uncool when screaming for your mommy.
11 - “Gruss Gott” is the standard Austrian expression for “Hello.” It literally translates in to “Greet God” and immediately generates the thougts “Exactly how high are these mountains?” or “Is he telling me I’ll die on the slopes ?”
12 – At an altitude of 2350 meters no amount of sunblock will prevent your skull from melting.
13 - I am the undisputed champion in the discipline of involuntary descent.
14 - The German word for “ravine” remains “ravine”, which makes it that much easier to yell when you are hurling towards one.
15 - Ski boots will automatically divide people into two categories: the ones who walk like Robocop and the ones who walk like the cast of “Night of the Living Dead”.
* * *
Well, at least you're back in one piece!!!!
