GREAT TRUTHS

[starlightx]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8 - You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having a girlfriend that thinks you a really good looking.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having a girlfriend that thinks you are really good looking.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

[Sakura-chan]

These are so awesome !! I especially like the last one about Success, brilliant . Unfortunately, looks like I skipped some success steps ...

[Not Sir Phobos]

Oh how true the four stages of life are! I'm going on to stage 3 this year.

[aernath]

I like the one about when you fall down you wonder what else you can do while you're down there...

'grumble grumble, since I'm already down here, I might as well pick up that damned dime I dropped six years ago...'

[crackpot27]

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Gee....I was wondering why I was always the first and last hit

Hilarious, mostly because they're so true

[yoshito]

I so need to send this around the floor here at work. =P Have lots of the later here.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Also this one applies to me.

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

I have comics in my cubicle and everybody thinks it is funny.