YOU KNOW YOU ATTEND A REDNECK CHURCH WHEN....

Ashura · Post by **Ashura** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 7:26 am

YOU KNOW YOU ATTEND A REDNECK CHURCH WHEN....

* The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

* People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish
were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

* When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"
five guys and two women stand up.

* Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

* A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive Ford truck
because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

* The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

* Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.

* In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the
church directory.

* There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.

* Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

* High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

* People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

* The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

* The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo of) Bill
Miller's Bar-B-Q.

* The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

In_Gabriel_We_Trust · Post by **In_Gabriel_We_Trust** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 7:56 am

Aaah.. funny !!!!

I love "you know you are..."-stuff !!!

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 7:56 am

You are such a flatterer.

Not Sir Phobos · Post by **Not Sir Phobos** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:23 am

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:23 am

I'm glad you're impressed. I liek milk.