How do these people survive?

[magician]

Haven't been around much the last 2 months, but I will be around more often now. Thought I would start things up with some new humor.


How do these people survive?

1. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that
you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a
half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

2. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she
said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to
what had just happened.

3. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to
what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

4. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing
to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and
the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the
batteries. It's a long walk."

5. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out
Of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern
took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and
proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

6. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need
of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver
had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

7. My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from
the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

8. Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a
photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier,
and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.

9. A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if
she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine,
The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!


”Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.”

[In_Gabriel_We_Trust]

I can hear some of you going ; "Oh this can't all be real, some of them are made up. Nobody could be that stupid."

Believe you me when I say I'm absolutely certain they are the real deal.
But funny as they are, I'm not even impressed.

I WORK with some, if not all, of these people. I 've added some similar situations in the "Security Guard Talks"-thread over some time now and more can be found under the "dealing with work" section on my site.

Trust me when I say from experience, as funny these situations are, if you happen to be the "other" party in the situation, you just want to start hitting or crying.