Everything you ever wanted to know about Chuck Norris

Marauder · Post by **Marauder** » Sat Dec 03, 2005 8:38 pm

This thread is hilarious!

Booya!

soda · Post by **soda** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 8:08 am

yeah... I know who he is and the movies/tv shows that he's been on but I still don't know what's up with the Chuck Norris jokes.

What's up with the Chuck Norris jokes? Why not do jokes about say... Tim Allen or Bruce Willis? I'm not a fan of Chuck so that's not my reason for asking. I'm just curious.

Baakay · Post by **Baakay** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 9:21 am

Wow.

Watch the clip from Late Night. I'm not a Chuck Norris fan at all, so I'd never seen Walker... how BAD can you get??!! OMG those "stunts" are so incredibly lame!

So bad that they're incredibly funny. Thanks for sharing. My favorite has GOT to be the rodeo shot. Spose they took those inserted closeups of him while he was riding a mechanical bull at ultra-slow speed?

I didn't realize this was Dubya's favorite actor.

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 9:22 am

I am watching.

zerospace · Post by **zerospace** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:05 am

transmet wrote:Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to have it show clips of him having sex with Conan's wife.

And on that last note, here's a little clip from Conan's "Walker: Texas Ranger" lever.

Thank you thank you for posting that clip!! lol! I absolutely love that walker texas ranger lever on Conan's show...

Ashura · Post by **Ashura** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:15 am

That was hilarious, Transmet! Thanks for the Conan's "Walker: Texas Ranger" lever link.

Thanks Bevhippy for starting this thread, or I never would have seen it

Not Sir Phobos · Post by **Not Sir Phobos** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 12:21 pm

Chuck Norrisd is famous for: 1. The roundhouse kick. 2. The beard. 3. The jeans.

Bevhippy · Post by **Bevhippy** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 2:22 pm

Ok soda I couldn't find any about bruce Willis but will Vin Diesel ones do.

Vin Diesel likes his coffee like he likes his women - Colombian and crushed into powder.

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. f**k you, team.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

Vin Diesel was the first person to walk up to a cow and say, "Whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze them, I'm drinking."

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

During a stay at Neverland Ranch in the 80's, Vin Diesel was awoken by Michael Jackson who was trying to sneak into his bed. Vin punched Jackson so hard that he knocked the black right off of
him.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

Vin Diesel once had to change a flat tire. He told a group of armadillos to act like a tire. They did.

Vin Diesel doesn't need to combine any powers to summon Captain Planet.

Vin Diesel is the only person who knows why paper can beat rock.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Vin Diesel is the only human being capable of skiing through a revolving door.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Vin Diesel not only put the L in lesbian, but he put his penis in them as well. All of them.

Blackmegabyte · Post by **Blackmegabyte** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 3:10 pm

^

Good Vin Disel jokes!

Bevhippy wrote: Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

you lost me on that one (i must be missing something) but otherwise really funny stuff!!

Marauder · Post by **Marauder** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 4:13 pm

Ah, not as funny as Chuck Norris, but those last two are pretty good!

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 4:13 pm

So you understand. Good. Oh I get it.

zerospace · Post by **zerospace** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 4:56 pm

Those Vin Diesel ones are pretty funny...

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 4:56 pm

Are all rollin Those Vin Diesel ones pretty funny?

zerospace · Post by **zerospace** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 4:57 pm

Cloud wrote:Are all rollin Those Vin Diesel ones pretty funny?

Why yes Cloud.. that's what I said, now isn't it?

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 4:57 pm

What did you mean by now is not it THAT? Why now? I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask John Lennon if it is.