More Redneck Jokes

[JWR]

Here are some of the latest from Jeff Foxworthy.

You Know you're a redneck when.....


1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than you cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bails of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Coolwhip"on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used an ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000.00 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

31. Someone tells you that you've got something in your teeth, so you take them out to see what it is.

[kittens]

OMG this is too funny

I hope my hubby does not have any of the items in the list

[In_Gabriel_We_Trust]

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000.00 worth of improvements.

That one is the funniest.
I've always liked :

32. You think the national anthem ends with "Gentlemen, start your engines."

[Baakay]

OMG... too funny...

I know people like that... from out in the back parts of Maine, not redneck country, but...


this one!!

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.

hey! dump picking is FUN!

[DevoVamp]

Just a few more that I've always laughed at:

32 If you've ever worn a dress that's strapless with a bra that isn't. (This was always my personal fav!)

33 If you've ever mowed your lawn and found a car.

34 If you've ever gone to a job interview with a beer in your hand.