My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust..'
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire " while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight
started....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be
bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started ...
------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150
in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight
started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security
application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,
took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay
me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
