A public apology and confessional

Priss-chan · Post by **Priss-chan** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:20 pm

I've spent weeks trying to figure out how to word this, and somehow I still feel like it won't come out quite right. So bear with me.

Everyone here has been witness to my antics over the past year. You've all seen my pain over helping my cat with his cancer battle (and once again, a big THANK YOU to everyone who contributed -- I don't know what I would have done wtihout your help!), along with my resurging PTSD. You've also all been witness to some moments I am not proud of -- being whiny about losing cels and the like. I'm not here to make excuses for my actions, but do listen, please (or read, as the case may be).

As I said, my PTSD started resurging last year. The tenth anniversary of the shooting at my school was slowly approaching, and I'm sure watching Frisky deteriorate in front of me didn't help matters either. My BGC-collecting habit, cels as well as other stuff, is something of an escape for me. And so, I do admit that I lost my cool when I lost several auctions for cels I had my heart set on, and I said some harsh things to people as a result. I guess in my mind, I felt like after everything I'd gone through (and the shooting is but one event), I felt like somehow perhaps I "deserved" those cels. A stupid feeling, I know. It is no excuse for how I treated people here. I lost my cool, and I was right to be called out for my boorish attitude then.

My PTSD is better now, but my health did suffer for the first half of this year because of it. Karma, perhaps. I have been trying to set things right, but now I'm afraid that I've made myself something of a pariah on this board, that I've done irreparable damage to relationships that I treasured here. So please, accept my apology here. I am so, so sorry for lashing out at everyone here. I hope you will take me back. If you wish never to see me around here again, then I will post no longer. But I hope you accept my apology.

And if you reply here, please don't say "Yeah, you WERE bad" then give a blow-by-blow account and repeat how horrible I was. I KNOW how bad I was; please don't rub it in. I just want to set things right, and I hope people here will give me the opportunity to do that.

genomexec · Post by **genomexec** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 8:46 pm

Welcome back! I wondered where you'd been off to... sorry about your troubles. Anyway, I hope you can still find fun in cel collecting!

Post by **JWR** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 9:23 pm

I will admit I'm in the dark as to what went on nor since it does not concern me do I care to know.

I do hope your able to repair relationships over time. The key is how you go forth from now on.

iwakuralain16 · Post by **iwakuralain16** » Sun Aug 30, 2009 11:28 pm

I am in the dark as well.. but I do remember being upset when your cat died. ;_; I am glad things are getting better for you.

kathpatty · Post by **kathpatty** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:27 am

Belldandy16 · Post by **Belldandy16** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 1:22 pm

*HUGS*

found this online...

If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart.

Hearts can break, but circles go on forever.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say.

Best friends listen to what you don't .

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I'd be at the bottom to catch them.

Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile !

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."- Mother Teresa

Gonzai · Post by **Gonzai** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:51 pm

HA - I'm a mod and I'm in the dark as well.

Guess I am not doing my modly duties as I should be.

Oh well, your apoplogy sounds good to me!!

Priss-chan · Post by **Priss-chan** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:22 pm

Well, some of what went on is visible in some older threads on here, and some of it isn't. I think we did a fair job of moderating ourselves =P You're doing your job just fine.

Nene · Post by **Nene** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:54 pm

I guess I should say a few words here. Iâ€™ll try not to do the â€œlist of faultsâ€

Priss-chan · Post by **Priss-chan** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:48 pm

That instance with the Priss cel is the one thing I am especially ashamed about, Nene. I'm not trying to excuse my behavior over that, and I can't blame you for being upset with me about it. I'm mad at myself too, for being such a baby about it. I shouldn't have been.

This has been torturing me for months. I'm over that rough patch now, but the stuff that went on has been lingering in the front of my mind, bugging me. I've tried to PM you several times, and I can't blame you for not replying, and I won't blame you if you're still mad. But I hope we can at least start talking again.

akadro · Post by **akadro** » Wed Sep 02, 2009 2:16 am

In french we say "Faute avouÃ©e est Ã demi pardonnÃ©" how to translate that. If you acknowledge a mistake it is half forgiven already.

Something like that

dro

Hakiri · Post by **Hakiri** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 7:10 am

Welcome back ^^ I'm not sure what went down between you and other members, but I think it took real courage to say what you just did. I'm sorry about what happened to you, and hope that things can only get better for you from now onwards

Sylia · Post by **Sylia** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:46 am

Agreed. You know what I think about all that stuff and some of the slightly uglier business because we talked about it before. I'm glad you're working through things ^^. Keep going and things are bound to come together more over time.

you just have to realise that you have just as much right as anyone to be here.

I agree with this, Nene ^^. We are bound not to agree on everything and there's always times where people offend others either accidentally or on purpose, or a mix of the two, but you do still have a right to be here (either specifically on this forum or in life in general). And the only one who can really give you that permission and forgive yourself your own mistakes is you, Priss ^^. Be honest with yourself, but try to go easier on yourself and don't torment yourself. It's not easy but that's the way it is for all of us.

I like Akadro's French expression too (gotta try to remember that one

).

Anyhow, wish you well and I have my fingers crossed things go better from now on!

Cloud · Post by **Cloud** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:46 am

Chat amongst yourselves.

Sylia · Post by **Sylia** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:48 am

Uh, alrighty Cloud! XD